Podcast Episode #14
How to Connect with Your Future Self as a Working Mom
When you’re stuck in survival mode, it’s hard to imagine anything beyond the next deadline, the next tantrum, or the next thing on the list. This post is your reminder that survival mode is a stress response, not your identity. When your brain senses “threat,” it narrows your focus and makes everything feel urgent, which can cloud judgment and make change feel impossible, even when it’s not.
The path out starts with four simple steps. First, speak your truth by naming what you’re actually feeling instead of pushing it down. Then visualize your future in a way that feels specific and motivating, like a short vision statement or a quick mental picture of a calmer, more supported day. Next, take small actions by choosing 2–3 manageable changes you can repeat weekly, not a full-life overhaul. Finally, build support by sharing your goals with people who can encourage you and keep you accountable, because you were never meant to carry this alone.
HERE ARE THE 3 KEY TAKEAWAYS FROM THIS EPISODE:
1️⃣ Survival mode is a stress response.
2️⃣ Name it, then visualize it.
3️⃣ Small steps + support = change.
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“When you connect to a bold vision of your future, it’s exciting ⁓ and you act on it each day and each week.”
Full Transcript
Tia Graham (00:09.4)
When you are in the middle of thick, dark woods, it can feel impossible to see a way out. Are you in survival mode right now? You are leading your family, pouring into work, trying to take care of yourself in marriage or managing co-parenting.
And there are also many aspects of our environment, culture, and the world that are extremely distressing to working moms right now.
There are paths through the darkness and into the light. Sometimes we need a hand to guide us through. And on this episode, I'm gonna talk to you about connecting to your future self when you're in survival mode. Your brain has neuroplasticity.
and neurogenesis, which means it has the ability to grow new brain cells and to change. This is a reminder that you are never stuck and that there are many resources and people to support you and you don't need to feel or move forward alone.
The science of happiness proves that you can increase your happiness and your well-being with your thoughts and your behaviors. This is what you have agency over. And you need to always prioritize your well-being for yourself and for your family. And you can always connect to and move forward towards your future self.
Tia Graham (02:10.728)
Speaking your truth is step one. And what I mean by speaking your truth is writing down and saying out loud what is currently happening in your life. What is making you angry, maybe rage, maybe guilt, maybe sadness, maybe fear, maybe anxious, overwhelmed, in survival mode. What is actually going on?
Speak your truth. And in order to begin creating a bold vision for yourself, you must be vulnerable and honest about what is currently happening.
When you have a clear vision of your desired future and believe that it can become possible, you will take action. Clarity and belief and intention, you will take action. You will be resilient, hopeful, energized and optimistic. You will fight for this future even when you're scared.
and doubtful, even when you feel insecure or you question if you're good enough. You will be accountable to yourself and you will be more successful in your career and inspire your kids.
When you or I are in survival mode, we have a narrow vision. Our brain operates differently and we literally cannot see all the different possibilities because of how our brain operates. So this could be burnout. This can also look like overworking, marital challenges, the same ones over and over, chronic stress.
Tia Graham (04:15.718)
yelling, reacting, and then feeling shame and guilt after, shutting down. And this also can look like not taking care of your mind and your physical body and your soul. And it is completely normal in human to look externally for solutions, right? We're angry, anxious, sad, disconnected, resentful.
We want all our circumstances to change and we might be angry at our circumstances being a working mom with so much out of our control. So when you're in that fight mode, right? Fight, flight, fawn, freeze. When you're in fight mode, in survival mode, you have increased heart rate and breath, tight muscles. Maybe you are yelling, you're physical, you're screaming. Cortisol and adrenaline are produced to motivate.
Your brain often fails to distinguish between life-threatening and non-life-threatening stressors, potentially leading to chronic anxiety. And if you're there right now, it's okay. I've been there too. When you're in freeze, and you might be in freeze right now, this is immobility in different areas of your life, as well as your thinking. A state of paralysis.
You're walking away, you're not dealing with things. You're distracting yourself with your phone, social media, food, TV, shopping, work. Or you might just leave the house, leave the room.
Tia Graham (05:55.535)
Cortisol and adrenaline are produced to motivate you. And so again, your brain has trouble distinguishing. But I'm here to remind you, incredible, beautiful, amazing working mom, that your road ahead is paved with golden opportunities.
there are always many, paths and options for you. I have a seven part feel good framework. This is a program that working moms do when they come into the feel good club. And what I'm talking about right now is pillar number one, which is empowerment. Remembering that you were always empowered, even if you're in survival mode. So
Here, I'd like to share a story about my mom in survival mode. So my mom and dad were living in Northern British Columbia, Canada, and they were running a ski area together called Powder King Ski Resort. It's still there. I'm the oldest of three girls. So in addition to working, my mom is also very busy with the three girls. And she loves being a mom.
And she is super passionate and engaged and finds so much purpose in leading the marketing and PR and graphic design of the ski resort. She also works closely with ski school and all of the rentals as well as the retail spaces. She's really involved and she really, really is passionate about it. You know, she's always loved working.
At the beginning of every ski season, there's a big meeting with all of the executives of the ski resort. And my grandfather, my dad's dad was a very large investor in this company. And one season before the season got going and the ski hall opened, he made an executive decision that they were going to hire a professional
Tia Graham (08:17.918)
marketing company and they were going to bring in other people and that my mom was no longer needed at the ski area and that it would be best if she just focused fully on being a mom.
My mom is crushed. It feels like all of the oxygen is sucked out of her body.
Tia Graham (08:48.436)
She drives down the highway, parks and goes on a long, long walk down the side of this highway and she cannot believe what is happening. She is instantly thrust into survival mode and she is not okay.
Tia Graham (09:09.39)
She decides to take us down to the southern part of British Columbia where we have a little lake house and where we'd spend some time in the summer to get away from everything and to try and recalibrate. She talks to one of her good friends, Mindy, and Mindy sends her some books. Some books about reconnecting to yourself.
about value-based living and about making decisions based on your intuition and what you need. And slowly by slowly, she starts creating a different life for herself. She signs up for university classes, for example, and eventually, after a couple years, leaves my dad for her wellbeing. And it definitely is the right choice.
for both of them. The light of wisdom often shines brightest in the darkest moments of pain. If right now, if you feel unbalanced, stuck and wanting change right now, you are in a point of transition. Your emotions are information and you will use these to guide you to do what you want to do.
what you must do.
Speak your truth on your current life. Connect to this bold vision of your future that you want. You'll understand the gap. You're here, but you want to be here. And what if you don't take action and change?
Tia Graham (11:00.77)
When you connect to a bold vision of your future, it's exciting and you act on it each day and each week. Just like when I was a director of sales and marketing at a hotel and my vision was my company arrive at happy and the feel good club and spending more time with my kids, right? My vision was clear.
Tia Graham (11:29.406)
And that vision is a part of you. So I'd like you to visualize picture this tree of life symbol, just this beautiful tree. All right. The vision for your future is the seed of the tree. The roots of that tree are your essence. The trunk of that tree is your optimistic thinking and taking action. And the branches of the tree.
are your future self actualizing. So I want you to craft your bold vision now. Know what your values are. Share this bold vision of your future with your friends and family and people that support you. Write it down. And start to take baby steps, weekly action.
Success isn't found in comfort, but in challenges overcome. You are an incredible working mom. You are creating an incredible life for your children. You are positively impacting society. You are a great role model. You are using your brain and your heart every single day.
Your work and your parenting matters. We need women working now more than ever, and your kids need you to be connecting to your future self and to slowly move out of survival mode. Thank you so much for listening to the Feel Good Show. I am so glad that you're here. I invite you to...
Take the next step. You are great. You are incredible. And I want you to connect with me on Instagram at TIAEGRAAM. That's T-I-A-E-G-R-A-H-A-M. And send me a DM. I want to connect with you. I want to know about your life and ask me anything you want. See you on the next episode.