How to Be Calmer in a Busy World
How to Slow Down and Find Happiness as a Working Mom
Slowing down can feel impossible when you’re juggling work, kids, home, and everyone else’s needs, but it’s often the very thing your well-being is asking for. In this solo episode, Tia shares how her daughter’s rare autism diagnosis became a turning point, helping her realize that the pace she was living at was not sustainable for her health or her family’s happiness. Taking time for yourself is not selfish, it is a signal to your body, mind, and soul that you matter too.
Inspired by The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, this episode explores how busyness, perspective, contentment, and mindfulness all shape our happiness. When you pause long enough to ask why you’re so busy, observe your emotions without judgment, appreciate what is already here, and practice being present with your family, you create more calm from the inside out. Slowing down is not about doing nothing, it is about living with more intention, joy, and peace in the life you already have.
HERE ARE THE 3 KEY TAKEAWAYS FROM THIS EPISODE:
1️⃣ Slowing down is self-care.
2️⃣ Presence creates more peace.
3️⃣ Contentment starts with noticing.
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“Your perception filters reality; where you direct your attention magnifies your experience of the world.”
Full Transcript
Tia Graham (00:03.66)
Welcome back to the Feel Good Club for Working Moms. I am so so grateful that you're here and that you've decided to take a little bit of time out of your hectic, full, extremely busy day to give to yourself. Every single time that you do this.
You signal to your body, to your soul, and to your mind that you matter as much as your kids, as much as your big career, as much as your family, and that you want to prioritize your well-being and your happiness. This week we are gonna talk about what happens when you slow down.
And the reason I want to talk about this is there was a season in my life about five years ago where my older daughter started really really struggling at home and at school. And later on that year she was diagnosed with a rare disability, a rare type of autism, and
There was so many changes. There were so many challenges.
And I was still pursuing a growing keynote speaking career, working on a book, TED Talk, leadership training. I was doing writing, creating videos, just being a really, really, really busy entrepreneur. And my personal life was getting more and more difficult and challenging and stressful and emotional. And
Tia Graham (01:58.177)
I had been going at a really, really fast speed for about 20 years. And maybe you're moving at a really fast speed right now. And I knew that I needed to change, but I didn't know how.
I knew that the way that I was living and working and parenting was not sustainable, and that my fast energy and my at times stressful, very anxious energy was making things worse, especially for my older daughter. And so I began began this quest of becoming calmer.
and just slowing down. And this was so unbelievably unnatural for me.
I am, I talk fast, I move fast, I, you know, my sister has always made fun of me that I have ADHD. Well, come to find out I do have ADHD. So, you know, just that like frantic go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Never ever sitting down, never really resting. And I want to share with you.
And I wanna talk with you about some ideas from this beautiful writer who is a monk. His name is Hyman Sunim.
Tia Graham (03:38.063)
And I encourage you to follow him. The book, one of the books that I read and kept rereading during this period where you know I really wanted to slow down, is the book called The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down. It's a beautiful, beautiful book.
And I'm going to share just little parts with you. And I hope that you find this applicable and inspiring. And I hope there's some nuggets that you can take with you as you start this season of the year. According to the Buddha's teaching, the boundary between the mind and the world is actually thin.
Horus and ultimately illusory. So we think that everything happening in her mind is separate than what's happening in the world, yet it's all one. And so I want you to think about the question: why are you so busy?
Tia Graham (04:57.654)
Are there things that are the world making you busy? Or is your mind making you busy? He says, feelings originate with the mind projecting its subjective experience onto the world. So you and I project our subjective experience outward.
And then we experience feelings. The great thing is that we have agency, right? We can change, but it's not easy. And I will tell you, it took me over four years to really, really learn how to slow down and how to be calmer. When we look at the outside world, he writes, we are only looking at
Only a small part that interests us to our minds, that small world is the entire universe. Isn't that so flippin' true? It's like what we think is reality is just this micro, micro, micro piece of what's actually happening, and it's just what we're focusing on.
Given that the world we see through our mind's eye is limited, if we can train our mind and choose wisely where to focus, then we will be able to experience the world corresponding to our state of mind.
And being a working mom makes you feel and makes me feel like so many parts are out of our control, and there's many challenges. And so when you and I can be intentional about what's happening in our mind, our reality is going to shift for the better. The world is experienced according to the state of one's mind when your mind
Tia Graham (07:08.98)
rests, the world also rests. And if you are not taking any time daily or weekly to rest your mind, I highly encourage you to start.
It's not the situation that is troubling us, but our perspective on it. And I have been working on this for years and years, at least seven, as my daughter's about to turn 12. Yet I get better and better and better with wisdom and age. And I want you to also is when there's a situation.
We can make it so much worse. We can create more suffering, more exaggeration. And we can also notice the situation, notice how we feel about it, but not let it overtake us. He says we feel unhappy not just because something bad has happened.
But also because of the swirling thoughts about what happened. When you have an unpleasant feeling, don't grab hold of it and turn it over and over and over. Instead, when you have an unpleasant feeling, leave it alone so it can flow. The wave of emotion will naturally recede on its own as long as you don't feed it by dwelling on it.
If we know how to be content, we can relax our endless striving and welcome serenity. If we know how to be content, we can make peace with our past and let go of our baggage. And what's talked about a lot at the World Happiness Summit when I go is wanting what you have. And really that's being content.
Tia Graham (09:19.17)
Right, if you think about right now and connect with everything you have, your children, your work, your family, your home, your health, friendships, nature, all the food, all the little things, you have so much to be content for.
He asks, Do memories cause you pain? Practice being in the present moment. As your thoughts quiet, so too the memories. Because memories are in essence thoughts. And so the more and more you and I practice presence, then we don't feel the suffering of painful memories.
As you focus more on others, you can reconnect with the meaning and purpose of your work. So if right now you feel like work is insane, the more you focus on others, the more meaningful work will feel overall. The wise do not fight the world. In the most relaxed and playful manner, they simply embody the truth.
That they are one with it. And don't you wish you could do that all the time? Not fighting what is, but just knowing that you are one with it. You're one with your spouse, you're one with your kids, you're one with your work, you're one with your family members. We're all one. And the more we can be relaxed and playful,
The experience is way, way better, right?
Tia Graham (11:15.136)
Relax into the present moment while finding humor in your life. When we are joyful, our heart opens to new things. Those who work in a playful, relaxed manner tend to work efficiently and creatively. I heard this great speaker at the Mom 2.0 conference that I went to a couple months ago.
She talked about asking the question: how can I infuse this with joy and fun when thinking about your work goals or your life goals? And you know, whether it's a quarterly goal or an annual goal, is actually being thoughtful about how can I make this more fun? How can I make this more joyful?
If we take time to look around, he says, we see ourselves surrounded by lovely moments. Would you like to make your child happy? Then get off work a little early today. Wait for your child in front of school. Horse around together on the playground. Let your child choose where to go for dinner, and shower your child with your loving attention.
On your way home, pick up ice cream for the family. Your child will remember this day forever. So simple, right?
Isn't it tiring to constantly have to care for your body? Yes, sleep, exercise, healthy diet, and then we have to care for other people's bodies. It's tiring. Pat yourself on the back for the hard work you're doing and go to bed one hour earlier as a gift to your body.
Tia Graham (13:23.96)
Do you have something on your mind? Then take a walk in the sun. Under the warmth of the sun, your brain will release serotonin, which calms your mind. Let's talk a little bit about mindfulness. Most people are completely absorbed in their emotions and have limited self-awareness.
Tia Graham (13:53.039)
The negative emotion is only temporary and one that changes without your efforts. This is so important to remember that painful emotions will change when you do nothing. If you just let them pass like a wave and not get swept up and not stay in that washing machine over and over and over. Just watch it unfold.
Let it settle down and transform on its own. Pure attention without judgment is not only the highest form of human intelligence, but also the expression of love. So when you think about your kids and they're having trouble, is giving attention, and I like to say empathy without judgment. Once you awaken to this truth.
You will not be swayed by negative emotions and can regard them as a passing cloud instead of identifying with them as a defining part of yourself. Observe and befriend your painful emotions. And the ones I feel the most, and you might be similar, is stress.
Some shame, not as much anymore these days. Sadness, anger, maybe guilt. When we are overcome by insecurity and fear, we feel the inner workings of Hitler, he writes. So whenever you're overcome by insecurity and fear,
Don't judge yourself and just let these feelings pass. No person is always good or always bad.
Tia Graham (15:52.515)
He writes, when you attack someone, it's often because you're afraid. And I've noticed when I'm really critical of my husband, it's I have fear around our kids. And it's actually really, really big inside of me, and I don't know what to do with it. And so it's I need to get this out and then I will be critical. And I'm getting better and better, but I'm not perfect. But that's usually where it comes from.
He says, if I had to summarize the entirety of most people's lives in a few words, it would be endless resistance to what is. If I had to summarize the entirety of an enlightened person's life in a few words, it would be complete acceptance of what is. As we accept what is, our minds are relaxed and composed, while the world
changes rapidly around us. So you and I together can work on this day in, day out, accepting what is with our kids, accepting what is with our work, accepting what is with our spouse or our ex. Accepting what is with our bodies, our emotions, our home.
accepting what is with politics, you could go on and on.
Tia Graham (17:30.658)
By accepting what is and completely accepting what is, our minds will relax.
Evaluating the present through the memories of the past can cause sadness. Okay, that's food for thought. Open up to people around you and feel connected. This is the true challenge of spiritual practice. Open up to people around you and feel connected.
By holding by wholly accepting who we are and realizing the enlightened nature of ourselves. Connection with ourselves is possible. So how can you and I have deep conversations with ourselves?
I hope that this talk, this conversation, had you feeling a little bit slower. There's a lot of things that you can see when you slow down, and I highly recommend Hyamen Sunim's book. And I want you to remember to prioritize your happiness and your well-being.
And if there's a working mom that you think needs to hear this episode, share it with her too. Till then, I'll see you next time.