Triggers as Teachers

One of my favorite books is: When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times by Pema Chodran. This is a must read for when you are going through big challenges and life is HARD.

Being a working mom with two young children, one with a very challenging disability, has put me in many difficult situations. I grew up with a father that was emotionally dysregulated often and my daughter’s panic attacks triggered unhealed parts of me. Several years ago, I was not aware that my older child is my #1 teacher. All the ways that she triggered me, were parts of me that needed to grow.

When you get triggered, you may go into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. Your triggers make sense based on your past experiences. They are information. The key is to reflect and get better at noticing what triggers you AND what you do when triggered. Notice your physical sensations, reactions, thinking, and actions.

A Simple Process to Use Triggers as Teachers
1) Write down/talk about what drives you crazy, makes you angry, and floods you with emotion

2) Write down/talk about your goals in terms of how you want to feel and act in the future

3) Partner with a therapist to heal the parts of you that are unhealed and getting triggered. I have found tremendous value in EMDR and Somatic Experiencing.

4) Incorporate formal and informal mindfulness and meditation into your life to notice your patterns of thinking, behaving, and reacting.

You are enough.
Your kids love you so much.
Everything is going to be ok.

Tia