How I Learned I’m a Great Working Mom to my Neurodivergent Child
You Don't Need a Perfect Day to Know You're a Great Mom.
Tia opened up about the night she realized her life wasn't working anymore, crying at a restaurant on date night while feeling like she was failing both her daughter and her business. For years, her sense of worth had been built on external validation: good grades, promotions, awards, a speaking career, a bestselling book. But when her daughter's needs intensified, that old formula for success stopped fitting her real life, and no amount of achievement could quiet the question underneath it all: am I enough?
The turning point came when Tia chose to realign her work with her family instead of forcing them to coexist. She stepped away from the version of success that depended on constant applause and built something that actually supported her daughter's needs, and her own. As she slowed down, she could finally see everything she'd already done, the therapies, the advocacy, the years of showing up through hard moments, and she made a decision to stop needing proof. She chose to believe she is a great mom, not because every day goes well, but because of who she's been through the days that didn't.
HERE ARE THE 3 KEY TAKEAWAYS FROM THIS EPISODE:
1️⃣ Your worth as a mom isn't proven by your hardest day.
2️⃣ Realigning your work with your family's needs can ease the constant friction.
3️⃣ Believing you're a great mom is steadier than chasing outside validation.
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“From this day forward, I am a great mom. I know I am because I have brought her from where she was five years ago to where she is now.”
Full Transcript
Tia Graham (00:00:00)
It was like I put on this new pair of glasses, and I started seeing myself as this incredible, incredible working mom. From this day forward, I am a great mom. And I realized that I no longer needed to get validation from what was happening that day to tell me if I was a good mom. Except it was never enough.
Tia Graham (00:00:28)
Welcome to the Feel Good Club podcast. This is the place where ambitious working moms with challenging neurodivergent children stop feeling like they are failing and believe they are a great mom, without giving up work that lights them up. You will learn how to elevate your wellbeing and create a positive, aligned life. Whether you're here to hear expert interviews or inspiring talks, this is your space to learn and grow.
Tia Graham (00:01:06)
I'm Tia Graham, mom of two neurodivergent kids, keynote and TEDx speaker, bestselling author, and founder of the Feel Good Club, a community for working moms with neurodivergent kids. I am an expert in the science of happiness. This show is here to help you feel grounded, confident, and connected to yourself and others. I know you're going to love it. Thank you for being here. Let's dive in.
Tia Graham (00:01:42)
I am sitting in a restaurant with my husband on a date night. It is a beautiful, warm evening. The restaurant is buzzing with energy, people laughing, other people on dates. Such a happy environment. And I am sitting in the chair, tears rolling down my eyes.
Tia Graham (00:02:08)
My husband is looking at me, feeling sad, also probably feeling a little disappointed because we hadn't been on a date in a long time. And here I am again, overwhelmed and sad, and frustrated with all of the challenges that our challenging neurodivergent daughter is having.
Tia Graham (00:02:37)
And the constant reminder that because my child needs so much of me, I can't give that much to my business, which is keynote speaking and leadership training, selling my books, etc. And I'm sitting there again crying, saying, I can't keep going like this. I can't keep trying to build this corporate speaking business and supporting my child.
Tia Graham (00:03:19)
I constantly feel like I am not doing enough for her, and I'm not doing enough for my job. I am failing as a mom and I am failing as an entrepreneur. And I can't be as ambitious and successful as I want to be, and I'm not being successful as a mom. I am failing at both, and I'm so sick and tired of feeling like I am not good enough — in either area.
Tia Graham (00:04:06)
And I remember thinking again how unfair it felt that my husband's career was not nearly as affected as mine, and that so much of the emotional load and invisible load and physical load of caring for our child was on me.
Tia Graham (00:04:23)
And the constant pain of her suffering and challenges, feeling for her, and then the constant pain of the impact on me — my pain for her suffering — daily, hourly, constant.
Tia Graham (00:04:46)
And he said to me, "Tia, you have been talking about helping working moms like you for so many years. Maybe now is the time to do it. Maybe now is the time to look at all the things that you've done to help you get to this place — you are way more calm, you are way more self-compassionate. You have all of these tools, everything you've learned, and all of your therapies, etc. Maybe now is the time to build a company that you can scale without having to get on airplanes, without having all of that anxiety before work trips. Maybe now is the time."
Tia Graham (00:05:38)
And I got to tell you, I grieved. I grieved for a long time, because I had spent so many years building this speaking business, and I had spent just a couple of years — and a little bit more — parenting and caregiving and helping my daughter.
Tia Graham (00:05:59)
Yet I knew that I couldn't stay on the same path, that I had to make a change. I had to make a change in my work so that I could support my daughter, and I had to make a change in my work so that I wouldn't feel like I was constantly failing in that area.
Tia Graham (00:06:22)
Let's take a quick pause for something that can really support you. If you constantly question whether you are failing after a hard day — when you reacted to your child, when they were having a meltdown — I have a free resource for you. It is my five-minute self-connection practice that interrupts your shame spiral. You get my four-step practice, a simple PDF, and a two-minute audio for when you want to listen for additional support. The replay of the meltdown and how you reacted is not proof that you failed. It's proof of how much you care and you love your child. To get this free tool, just go to TiaGraham.com/practice. That's TiaGraham.com/practice.
Tia Graham (00:07:22)
And this was the moment that something shifted in me. This dinner — it's like the way that I've been going isn't working. The way that I've been working is making me feel like I'm not good enough in this work area, and I'm not good enough as a mom, because of work trips, because of different things. And I need to create a life where it's congruent, where it's aligned. And so I set out to do just that.
Tia Graham (00:07:53)
I launched the Feel Good Club for working moms with challenging neurodivergent kids. I brainstormed every single thing that had helped me — from being so stressed and so overwhelmed and so reactive and so hard on myself, and living in a place with a lot of shame and guilt and confusion — and how I stopped beating myself up so much. And I came up with this proven process.
Tia Graham (00:08:32)
And it wasn't so easy to switch from this big speaking career to starting this digital company. It was a lot of mistakes, so many trial and errors, and a lot of doubt.
Tia Graham (00:08:47)
But what happened is when I shifted my career so that it fully aligned with the needs of my child and the lifestyle of my family, my daughter started shifting along with me. My anxiety around career went down, her anxiety went down. I changed how I was working and living, and she changed how she was living and how she was going to school.
Tia Graham (00:09:21)
And what happened is, with this shift, I realized all of the investments that I had made in her. It's like slowing down allowed me to see this path of healing, this path of growth that I had led her on — with my husband as my partner. But I truly was the CEO and the leader of this.
Tia Graham (00:09:43)
I reflected on all of the different therapies that she had done — we had done together — all of the experts that I had found, the different types of education, this micro-school that I found for her. And by reevaluating how I wanted to work and live, it allowed me to reevaluate how much I had done for her, and how far she had come.
Tia Graham (00:10:18)
It was like I put on this new pair of glasses, and I started seeing myself as this incredible working mom.
Tia Graham (00:10:33)
And there was a day where I put a stake in the sand, and I said to myself, no more. I am no longer questioning if I am a good enough mom. From this day forward, I am a great mom. I know I am, because I have brought her from where she was five years ago to where she is now.
Tia Graham (00:11:06)
We had been through so much. We had gone through so much pain and challenges and trauma as a family, and we weren't in that really, really dark place anymore.
Tia Graham (00:11:25)
And so there was a huge shift in how I saw myself, and I realized that I no longer needed to get validation from what was happening that day to tell me if I was a good mom.
Tia Graham (00:11:43)
I realized that I could still have really hard days as a parent, that there could be really challenging experiences as a parent, and that would not shake my belief and my knowing that I am a great mom — that I am going to believe, every single day, I am a great mom who has a challenging, neurodivergent child. And I actually have two neurodivergent kids.
Tia Graham (00:12:18)
And I also realized that for so many years — my whole life, right — being this type-A, driven, high-achieving person: getting good grades, doing well in school, going on to university where I'm president of the student association, then going on to a fifteen-year career as a director of sales and marketing, leading teams, getting promotions, getting accolades, getting awards — was feeding my ego. I was getting external validation. Then creating a speaking business, being a bestselling author, and a TED talk — I was continuing to get external validation.
Tia Graham (00:13:05)
Except it was never enough, right? It was never enough from work. And then I never felt enough as a kid.
Tia Graham (00:13:14)
And by choosing to essentially turn off this speaking business in a lot of ways and start this online membership for working moms, I wasn't getting all that external validation. I wasn't getting all of it as fast and as big in this new venture.
Tia Graham (00:13:35)
And so here I was — ego out, not getting validation from my kid, not getting validation from work. Well, if you can't get external validation, where does it need to come from? Where does your worth come from? Where do your beliefs come from? And a lot of our beliefs come from our early childhood.
Tia Graham (00:13:58)
And so, at this point, I had already done a lot of healing — therapies, a lot of somatic therapies, EMDR, neurofeedback, cognitive behavioral therapy. I had a spiritual life coach, I had a meditation coach.
Tia Graham (00:14:16)
And I realized that my true healing and my true knowing was about not needing validation as a mom, and not needing validation from work — believing I'm a great mom, believing I'm a great mom while wanting to be a working mom, because work and career and purpose lights up my soul, and knowing that that's who I am and that's who I'll always be.
Tia Graham (00:14:49)
And I want you to know that you can believe this too. You can believe that you are a great mom without giving up work or the career that lights you up. Maybe you need to shift careers. Maybe you need to change how you work, like I did. Maybe you don't at all.
Tia Graham (00:15:07)
But this is the story of how I realized: I'm not going to believe what I believed for so many years. I'm not going to question what I questioned for so many years.
Tia Graham (00:15:20)
I want you to connect with me on Instagram. I post there almost daily, and it's a page for ambitious working moms with challenging neurodivergent kids. So follow me, send me a DM, at T E Graham. You are enough. You are incredible. Your kids are so lucky to have you.
Tia Graham (00:15:45)
And remember: prioritize your wellbeing, prioritize your happiness, and believe that you are a great mom.
Tia Graham (00:15:56)
Thank you for joining me on the Feel Good Club show. I hope today's episode left you feeling inspired and equipped to take on your day with confidence, self-love, and a little more joy. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with your fellow ambitious working moms with neurodivergent kids. Remember, you are not alone on this journey. We're all here to support each other in growing, healing, and acceptance. Until next time, take care — and be well. And remember, prioritize your happiness.