Podcast Episode #10
Embracing the Chaos: A Working Mom’s Reset for Tough Days
In this solo episode, Tia Graham speaks to high-achieving working moms who feel like one hard day can wipe out all the things they’re doing right. She names the reality: the demands are heavy, the feedback loop in parenting is inconsistent, and when life gets messy, it’s easy to turn the stress inward and question your worth. Tia shares a personal moment of blaming herself for her child’s struggles, only to later learn her child had a rare disability, as a reminder that not every challenge is a reflection of your parenting.
Her reset is a simple framework for the toughest days: name it (this is a hard day), take your meds (your non-negotiable self-care like movement, nourishment, rest, and grounding), and notice your thoughts (catch the harsh story and challenge it). She also calls out the perfectionism trap that labels any imperfect moment as failure, and replaces it with something more sustainable: self-compassion, tracking small wins, and remembering that being a good mom isn’t about being flawless, it’s about staying present and resilient through the chaos.
HERE ARE THE 3 KEY TAKEAWAYS FROM THIS EPISODE:
1️⃣ A hard day doesn’t mean you’re failing.
2️⃣ Use: name it, take your meds, notice your thoughts.
3️⃣ Drop perfection, track small wins.
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“Adjust your beliefs and your future adjusts with them.”
Full Transcript
Tia Graham (00:03.82)
You can consistently believe and know that you are a great working mom, even on the really hard, bad days. Beliefs originated from your childhood years and are embedded in who you are. And you underestimate how much they affect your daily life, how much they affect your behavior.
As a high achieving working mom, you are juggling and managing so much. The emotional, mental, and physical load of career, kids, home, schools, activities, friendships, community, family, marriage, technology, et cetera, can feel absolutely insane.
If you have challenging children like I do, or when your kids are having challenges, it can put you over the edge and make you feel like you are not doing great at all. For so many years, I blamed myself for all the challenges that one of my children was having. I blame myself and my husband, our parenting, Come to find out that she actually had this
rare disability. Pre-kids, you and I as high achievers, as people who are passionate about their career and making an impact on a world, entrepreneurs, leaders, you and I received constant accolades about how good we were doing from our boss, team, clients, et cetera. Pre-kids,
you and I received a lot of external validation. Parenting and running a house and marriage does not give you consistent positive validation. So let's talk about this problem, right? So for example, you have common emotional triggers, overwhelmed from disrupted schedules like
Tia Graham (02:26.144)
A kid's tantrum derailing a work call leading to anxiety or snappiness or annoyance. Deep fatigue that rest doesn't fix with maybe, you know, cynicism, resentment and guilt over perceived parenting failures like snapping at your kids or, you know, relaxing a boundary or not doing enough at work, fueling this perfectionist
self-pressure. We also have a lot of challenges with just daily logistic struggles, juggling endless roles. The invisible mental load spikes such as agonizing over right choices for kids' meals, schools, or activities amid exhaustion. And even though we are around people a lot,
Isolation can hit really hard. Maybe you skip a walk with a friend because you have work obligations, or you don't go on a date night because your kids really need you. There's also identity and even sometimes burnout signs. The loss of achievement buzz as repetitive parenting tasks fuel unrewarding compared to career wins, right?
Managing your kid's emotions and being there as they're on an emotional roller coaster definitely doesn't give you the same high as when you sign a massive contract and your boss and the whole team congratulates you. Such a different experience. And you may be feeling identity erosion, sometimes feeling unrecognizable and messiness and prompting bursts of irritability or even numbness.
sometimes hopelessness can absolutely creep in. You know, whether things happen in public or things happen in your marriage and you're thinking, is this gonna get better? Here's a quick little story you might relate to about a not perfect day, a bad day. Last Monday night,
Tia Graham (04:50.194)
I had a really bad mom evening due to complete overwhelm with a dash of resentment. And you might relate to this short story. So our current nanny who's leaving is training our new nanny. And my kids and I, my husband a bit too, but definitely my kids and I are stressed and anxious about this change of
So it's Monday. I'm giving a talk for 30 leaders on Tuesday and I have so much to prepare for in addition to running my feel-good club for working moms. So both kids wake up not feeling great but I think they're okay. I take one kid to school and then I take the other kid to school. After 45 minutes, one school calls.
saying that my kid does not feel well, you need to come pick her up. So I get in my car, stop my work, interruption, I'm annoyed, go get her, bring her back. And about an hour after that, the other school calls and I need to stop my work and go get my other daughter. you know, sometimes I might have my nannies do this, but with sick, I sort of feel like, you know, I do it. And also because the new nanny,
Anyway, I did it. I picked both kids up. Big loss of productivity. Now they're both home and also that's like mental head space. So sick kids are at home when I have to work and I feel a little bit of guilt but I'm like block it out, keep working, do what you gotta do, you gotta talk tomorrow. And so I finish my work mid afternoon and I am trying to get my one child to do some reading.
and answer some questions, because she has a lot of homework that's actually due the next day. She doesn't want to do it, and that is frustrating and hard. Both nannies are asking me lots of questions. Afterwards, the kids are arguing. That's triggering to me. I need to figure out dinner, and one kid is getting sicker and in more pain. I need to take her to a walking clinic.
Tia Graham (07:12.736)
and my head is full with everything I need to do tomorrow for the talk and my work and I'm stressed. My husband gets off the computer at 4 p.m. and he can tell I'm anxious and stressed and frustrated and he's kind of calm down. Well, I lose it on him and I also am like annoyed and kind of lose it on my older kid. I have worked two and a half hours this day and I hate it when kids are sick. Maybe you feel the same.
And I am not showing up as the best, great, wonderful, joyful, connecting mom. I am a good mom. This is just a really hard day. And years ago, I would have beat myself up for all the things I was doing and how I wasn't showing up with tons of patience and, you know, being really, really
connecting, et cetera. But I've done a lot of work over the past five years and I know I'm a good mom. And on hard days, even if I'm not great, I'm still a good mom.
Adjust your beliefs and your future adjusts with them. And so going forward, when you are having a hard, bad day, I want you to say to yourself, I am a great mom having a bad day. So think about this very simple framework. It's a tough day.
And what I want you to do is name it. Like, this is a really hard day. This is a really hard night. Name it. And if you can during that day, take your meds. Can you do a quick meditation? Can you exercise a little bit? Can you eat a healthy diet? And can you get enough sleep? That's taking your meds, taking care of you during this hard day. Notice your thoughts.
Tia Graham (09:25.43)
and acknowledge what you are doing. So again, number one, name the tough day. Number two, take your meds. Number three, notice your thoughts and if those old beliefs or not supported beliefs are creeping in, notice them and acknowledge all the things you are doing.
So as high achieving working moms, we can get in this perfectionism trap, holding ourselves to flawless standards and viewing any slip like a rushed bedtime or a work call during dinner or a work trip missing a kids event as evidence that you're falling short.
And perfectionism fuels a cycle where hard days imperfections like lateness or overwhelm or snapping or tantrums drown out the daily winds, making self-belief feel impossible. And so this perfectionism trap ignores that good enough parenting builds resilience. And so we need to let go of this inner critic that
thinks we need to be super moms all the time. right? We also can have guilt from divided attention, this constant mental splitting, worrying about your kids at work, work at home, and it erodes confidence as if presence equals worth and it's just not true. All right? And so also keep in mind, and I say this a lot, comparisons, social media showcases.
polished mum highlights. This breeds envy and the false belief others balance it better than you. And then you sideline your personal progress. But you can reframe it. You can give yourself appreciation. You could acknowledge yourself. You can have gratitude for yourself and give yourself proof that you are good.
Tia Graham (11:46.868)
enough because you are more than good enough. I want you to save the date. Block this in your calendar. April 20th to 23rd. I am going be, I am going to be doing a free four day challenge for working moms who want to go from triggered to calm. Save the date.
put it on your calendar, it's not gonna take a lot of time, but you are gonna walk away with tools and behavior changes to help you be less triggered when work, spouse, kids, and house trigger you. See you next time on the Feel Good Club show, and remember, prioritize your happiness
and well-being.