How to let go of the pressure to raise successful, happy kids
“I just want my kids to be happy and successful.”
It sounds like a realistic and achievable goal right? What is a successful child or teen? Straight-As, well-behaved, a star athlete, someone who volunteers, popular, and always kind? How do you know if your kid is happy? If most of the time he/she/they are in good mode, positive, optimistic, upbeat, happy with friendships, and feel like their life is meaningful?
This feels like a LOT of pressure on the parents. When did this pressure begin?
The modern concept of actively fostering children's success, especially in terms of education and personal achievement, became prominent in the West during the 18th and 19th centuries. Western parents often balance educational and career success with an emphasis on well-being and personal growth.
When you are a working mom, your time and energy is divided between your career, self, family, friendships, community, and so on. Since your focus is not on your children 100%, you may feel constantly worried, concerned, and anxious that you are not doing enough. These painful emotions will be heightened if your child is not as “successful” and “happy” as you think they should be. One of my children is autistic and has a nervous system disability and my other child has learning disabilities. I have learned so much over the past decade and my expectations have shifted.
What if you could LET GO a little? What if you could take some of the pressure off of yourself and your child? What if you stopped holding on so tightly to the happy and successful outcomes?
Doing this could increase your connection and you will embrace your child’s unique path.
Here are 3 strategies to let go a little (and increase your inner peace):
1) Accept that parenting is a balance of growth and mistakes & accept your child for who they are
2) Focus on their unique strengths and encourage them to lean into them
3) Know that your kids are not yours, they will be here after you are gone and they are individuals. (Dr. Fred Luskin told me to read the poem, On Children, and it has helped me tremendously)
You are enough.
Your kids love you so much.
Everything is going to be ok.
Tia